The Wedding Occasion
מעמד הנישואין
The wedding day is the great and most important day in the lives of the couple. On this day they begin to fulfill completely the mitzva that is a great principle of the Torah – “Love your fellow as yourself” – which can be fully realized only within the framework of marriage. On this holy day the image of God within them shines; they break through the barrier of their private personalities and forge between them a covenant of love and loyalty, and a spark of the divine unity is revealed between them. Through this they merit being partners in the continuation of the process of creation and bringing life and souls into the world.
It is hard for the heart to contain the magnitude of the wondrous and long journey that the groom and bride begin to travel when they enter the ḥuppa – an endless journey to the peaks of love and the depths of responsibility. Along their way they will pass through difficult hours and joyful hours, and many days of blessed routine. Along their way they will pass through hours in which their love blazes like a storm, and days in which they express brotherhood and friendship in countless gestures and deeds. As great as the value of the journey is, so great are the difficulties and obstacles it will place in their path. The more they merit to cleave to the mitzvot of the Torah and the safeguards established by the Sages, the easier it will be for them to withstand the trials, and to continue discovering more layers and hidden treasures in the wondrous bond of marriage between them. From this marriage, with God’s help, children will grow up who one day will also enter their own ḥuppa and begin their own wondrous journey, from which their grandchildren and great-grandchildren will be born until the end of all generations.
Were the groom and bride to see all this at the time of their ḥuppa, they would surely faint, for the heart cannot contain the magnitude of the holiness and responsibility. And here comes their first test: will they turn the wedding into an external display of arrogance, full of tensions and quarrels, or will they, with humility and modesty, rejoice with the true joy of a mitzva together with their family and friends? The Sages said that on the wedding day the sins of the groom and bride are forgiven (see Yerushalmi Bikkurim 3:3). This is because on this day they want with all their heart to begin their new life perfectly: to gladden each other faithfully, to honor their parents, to raise and educate children, to keep Shabbatot and festivals, to perform acts of kindness, and to be good in the eyes of God and man. To strengthen this positive process, the groom and bride should repent on their wedding day and pray to God to help them realize all their good aspirations.
We learned about the laws of kiddushin and the ketuba in the previous chapter. Now we will learn how they fit into the order of the wedding, together with the other laws and customs of the wedding.