Kiddushin and Ketuba

The concept of marriage, with all its spiritual and halakhic meanings, was introduced by the Torah. Before the giving of the Torah, the practice was that a man and woman who met and agreed to live together would enter the man’s home and begin living a married life without a wedding ceremony, and so children would be born. Nor was there a formal divorce ceremony; rather, when one of the spouses wanted to break the bond between them, he would separate and go his way. Once the Torah was given to Israel, we were commanded with a positive mitzva that if a man and woman wish to live together, they must do so through kiddushin and ḥuppa, and likewise separation must be done by means of a bill of divorce (Rambam, Laws of Ishut 1:1).

The wedding consists of two stages: erusin (betrothal) and nisu’in (marriage), which are kiddushin and ḥuppa; erusin is kiddushin, and nisu’in is the ḥuppa. Nowadays people are accustomed to call the party at which the couple celebrates their decision to marry an “engagement” (erusin), and after the party the groom and bride are called “engaged.” But in truth, according to halakha they are not betrothed but only promised to one another (meshudakhim), for erusin is kiddushin – that is, the stage at which the groom betroths the bride. In principle, a man can betroth his wife in three ways: with money, with a document, and with intercourse (Mishna Kiddushin 1:1). In practice, however, everyone is accustomed to betroth through an acquisition with money, done by the groom giving the ring to the bride and saying the formula: “Behold, you are betrothed to me with this ring according to the law of Moshe and Israel.” From the betrothal onward, the bride is considered a married woman, and if they wish to separate, the groom must give the bride a get. However, even after the betrothal, the groom and bride may not begin their life together; only after the nisu’in, which takes place when they stand under the ḥuppa and the seven blessings are recited, are they permitted to begin living together.

In the past, the custom was to wait twelve months between erusin and nisu’in, that is, between the kiddushin and the ḥuppa. During that year the couple would prepare themselves emotionally for the wedding and prepare the home, the clothing, and the wedding feast. It is not hard to perceive the special beauty in the prolonged, year-long wait of the couple, who would anticipate and long for the wedding day, on which they would begin living together. That year would deepen the emotional and spiritual relationship between them.

But over the course of time and the exiles, a need arose to combine the erusin with the nisu’in. First, there were cases in which, between the erusin and the nisu’in, the family of the groom or bride was forced to flee its home, and so the couple remained bound to one another by the bond of kiddushin with no ability to realize it through nisu’in and no ability to dissolve it through a get. And there were cases in which, between the erusin and the nisu’in, the couple were not careful to maintain modesty between them. For these reasons, the custom was accepted in Israel to combine the erusin and the nisu’in at one time, namely the wedding day. Thus, at the wedding both the erusin – which is the kiddushin by means of the ring – and the nisu’in – by means of setting up the ḥuppa – take place.