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Chapter 2

The Mitzva of Marriage

ב - מצוות הנישואין

In this chapter (18)
  1. 1. The Value of Marriage
  2. 2. Love and Unity
  3. 3. The Virtue of the Mitzva of Peru U-revu
  4. 4. Ḥizkiyahu
  5. 5. The Parameters of the Mitzva of Peru U-revu
  6. 6. The Mitzva to Have Many Children
  7. 7. Couples Who Are Not Blessed With Children
  8. 8. Ten Years Without Children
  9. 9. The Age of Marriage for Men in the Past
  10. 10. The Age for the Mitzva for Men in Practice
  11. 11. The Age of Marriage for Women in the Past
  12. 12. The Age of Marriage for Women in Our Times
  13. 13. The Responsibility Resting on Young People
  14. 14. Parents Are Commanded to Marry Off Their Children
  15. 15. Parental Involvement in Choosing a Spouse
  16. 16. Financial Matters
  17. 17. The Mitzva of Hakhnasat Kalla and the Community’s Obligation
  18. 18. Leaving the Land of Israel for the Sake of Marriage
2:1

The Value of Marriage

ערך הנישואין

The great value of the mitzva of marriage cannot be overestimated, for it gives expression to all values together: love and holiness, unity and faith, fidelity and joy, life and blessing. Two great mitzvot are fulfilled through marriage. The first is marriage itself, in which each spouse undertakes to love the other, to care for the other’s good and welfare, and to make the other as happy as possible. The second is peru u-revu (“be fruitful and multiply”).

Let us first explain the value of marriage. The complete person is one who lives with love and joy within the framework of marriage, for a man is not complete without his wife, and a woman is not complete without her husband. So great is the virtue of marriage that the Sages said (Yevamot 63a): “Any man who has no wife is not a man (adam).” They further said (ibid. 62b): Any man who has no wife lives without joy, without blessing, without goodness, without Torah, without a protective wall, without peace. And of course, any woman who has no husband also lacks all these virtues.

Within the framework of marriage, a person can completely fulfill the mitzva of “You shall love your fellow as yourself” (Vayikra 19:18), about which R. Akiva said that it is “a great principle of the Torah” (Sifra ibid.). For only between spouses is love fulfilled completely in all areas of life, spiritual and physical. It turns out that when spouses live together in love, each loving the other no less than he or she loves himself or herself, and wanting to bring the other exceptional joy no less than he or she wants to rejoice personally, they fulfill the entire Torah in essence (Arizal, Sefer Ha-Likkutim, Ekev). The height of joy and love is expressed in the mitzva of onah (marital intimacy), and the neglect of this mitzva is the principal ground for divorce, as explained in tractate Ketubot (63b). The general principles and details of the mitzva of onah are explained in Peninei Halakha, Simḥat Ha-bayit U-virkhato (1:1-3; 2:1-5).

Through marriage conducted with fidelity, love and joy, a supernal light flows onto the loving couple and adds life and blessing to the world. As R. Akiva expounded (Sota 17a): “Man and woman – if they are worthy, the Divine Presence is between them; if they are not worthy, fire consumes them.” In the word ish (man) the letter yod appears, and in the word isha (woman) the letter heh appears; together they form the Name Y-ah, which is one of the seven holy Names of God.

Since love and joy between husband and wife are so important, the inclination in this area is also especially great. The Holy One, blessed be He, gave man free choice: when he directs this inclination toward the good – when the husband strives to bring his wife exceptional joy and the wife strives to bring her husband exceptional joy – there is nothing better; and when a person directs this inclination toward evil, in licentiousness, harlotry and adultery, there is nothing worse (Peninei Halakha, Simḥat Ha-bayit U-virkhato 3:1-2).

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