Matchmaking

The foundation of the partnership between man and woman was established at the time of Creation, as it is stated: “And God created man in His image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. God blessed them, and God said to them: ‘Be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth and master it; and rule over the fish of the sea, the birds of the sky, and every living thing that creeps on the earth’” (Bereishit 1:27-28). We learn four central ideas from the account of man’s creation: first, that man was created in the image of God; second, that this image of God is revealed through male and female together; third, that they are destined to be fruitful and multiply; and fourth, that their role is to lead the world and to see to its sustenance and cultivation, as it is stated further on: “The Lord God took the man and placed him in the Garden of Eden, to work it and to guard it” (ibid. 2:15). Thus, the complete human being is male and female together, as the Sages said: “Any man who has no wife is not a man,” as it is stated: “Male and female He created them, and He blessed them and called their name Man on the day they were created” (Yevamot 63a; Bereishit 5:2).

After the first, general description of man’s creation, the Torah goes back and explains that initially man was created as a single being, with two faces included within him – a male face and a female face. In this, man differed from all the animals, all of which were created from the outset as two separate kinds, male and female; only man was created at first as a single being in whom male and female were included. This man, who contained both faces, is called Adam HaRishon (the first man). It was he who was commanded to perfect the world and guard it – “to work it and to guard it” – and it was he who gave names to all the creatures. Then it became clear to Adam that of all the creatures, only he remained alone without a mate, and great sorrow filled his heart. “The Lord God said: ‘It is not good for man to be alone; I will make him a helpmate opposite him’” (Bereishit 2:18). “So the Lord God cast a deep sleep upon the man, and he slept; and He took one of his sides and closed up the flesh in its place. And the Lord God built the side that He had taken from the man into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And the man said: ‘This time, it is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; this shall be called Woman, for from Man was she taken’” (ibid. 2:21-23). And although the Creator intended from the very beginning to separate man into male and female, He waited until Adam would feel his lack. For this is what God established when He created the world: that man would be a partner in the world’s existence and governance, and that God would guide His world in accordance with man’s arousal from below (Zohar II 265a). Therefore, only after man awoke to feel the pain of his loneliness did God, as it were, see that it was not good for him to be alone, and He separated the woman from him; and in this way they could create a loving and fruitful partnership.

Tzela means “side,” as in tzela ha-mishkan, which means one of the sides of the Tabernacle. Accordingly, when God took aḥat mi-tzalotav of man, it means that He took one of his two sides. For initially, male and female were in nearly their complete form, but they were joined completely back to back, with the male face more prominent (see Eruvin 18a).

Since at their root male and female are united, once they reach maturity, a desire and longing awaken within them to return and reunite. This is what is stated: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and cling to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Bereishit 2:24). This is the deep meaning of the mitzva of ona (marital relations), according to which husband and wife are commanded to gladden one another as much as they can, and thereby express the love and unity between them. This is the challenge facing every young man – to find his mate and choose her; and this is the challenge facing every young woman – to choose her mate, and to marry in holiness according to the law of Moshe and Israel. In this way they complete themselves and the world, and through this they also merit fulfilling the mitzva of peru u-revu (procreation) and becoming partners with God in bringing new souls into the world.